Dating now a day seems to be one of the most challenging interactions with the evolution of the internet. Before, it was pretty simple. People socially interacted with one another prior to going on a date which usually meant they had some sort of initial chemistry. You may meet someone at a social gathering, work, a night out or some other social setting that allowed for initiation of conversation. You may even see them multiple times before one person works up the courage to ask the other on a formal date. There was a much more natural flow of how a relationship progresses than how things seem to work today.
Dating today, let’s be honest, is f**king painful. There has to be a million apps out there focusing mainly on pictures and one liners. You might be talking to thirty people at the same time over text and not even meet one of them. Our phones are full of random contacts we have never met in person that have the last name tinder or bumble or whatever app it is we may have met them on. Today the initial interaction with the opposite sex seems to be:
swipe right for superficial reasons >>> wahoo!! It’s a match >>> message the person
Scenario A: They don’t respond >>> message other people until someone does
Scenario B: Message back and forth for a day >>> get each other’s numbers >>> text for another three days >>> swiped someone better in the meantime >>> one person vanishes
Scenario C: Message back and forth for a couple days >>> someone initiates a meet up >>> meet for a drink >>> never talk again
Scenario D: Message back and forth for a couple days >>> someone initiates a meet up >>> meet for a drink >>> they are nothing like we hoped or expected >>> never talk again
Scenario E: Message back and forth for a couple days >>> someone initiates a meet up >>> meet for a drink >>> have sex >>> never talk again
These are just some of the typical scenarios people find themselves in, including myself. Nobody wants to put any real effort to actually get to know each other. Having sex comes before getting to know anyone, which is so backwards in comparison to how things worked in the past. People are not emotionally invested at all since all these interactions are superficial and we just move onto the next swipe without batting an eye.
I haven’t been in a long-term relationship in seven years. I genuinely want to find someone and build a healthy relationship that hopefully never ends unless one of us dies. I think most of us desire that and I think most of us don’t enjoy the way dating has evolved. The internet not only has created the superficial, one dimensional interactions people have with one another but it also has created the ability to hide behind a profile. The things, especially men, say and do on online dating apps makes it extremely discouraging for women to want to put themselves out there.
Imagine if a guy came up to you in a social setting and within the first five minutes of conversation he flashes you his penis. I’m pretty sure he would get a good kick to the nuts if he attempted that. I don’t think he would be charming you into a date by exposing himself . I don’t think most men would feel like they could walk up to a stranger and do that yet hiding behind a profile, they seem to have no issues flashing pictures of their dick. This unfortunately puts girls off and the next guy that sends a message, who might actually be a nice guy, has no chance in getting her attention. We’re disgusted, violated and most likely vanish for a little bit after that.
I’ve been online off and on for years. I can probably count on one hand how many guys I saw again if we ever did meet. There were times where I thought things were going in the right direction and after a couple weeks of seeing each other, they disappear. No courtesy message to even let me know. They just vanish without responding back. I have no idea what went wrong so I find myself wondering if he might have died or maybe I did something.
I started realizing that with the way dating has headed, I will most likely be alone forever. It’s not a depressing thought by any means. Before, I use to internalize and think that clearly something is wrong with me. Now, with a lot of thought about this subject, including my own experiences, I realized I have no chance out there. It’s not just me, it’s basically like that for most level headed people that are truly looking for a legitimate connection.
The internet has created the ability to live in a world of fantasy. Men and women are swiping through catalogues of people with a checklist that they feel will make their perfect partner. Once the physical checklist is met, they move on to build the rest. Before even meeting, they’ve already given the person a physical validation to their pictures, a personality, a voice, a sex drive, essentially building everything about this person without ever getting to know them.
This is a large reason why there rarely are second dates, if you even get a date. Imagine the utter disappointment when the person shows up and they’re nothing like what you built up in your head. The more delusional the person is, the more unrealistic the expectations of their dates will be. How can I compete with that? It’s impossible.